“Why I took to philosophy” pages 28 to 31 in The Basic Writings of Bertrand Russell, published by Routledge.
This is the first piece of writing about philosophy that has really meant something to me since beginning this ten minutes a day venture. I enjoyed it because I can identify with one of Russell’s attitudes, and because it helped me understand for the first time why I felt the same about something completely different.
Russell writes about his natural scepticism, his desire to find what was true, and how it coloured his thoughts on the academic study of mathematics.
“When I began to learn higher mathematics, fresh difficulties assailed me. My teachers offered me proofs which I felt to be fallacious and which, as I learnt later, had been recognized as fallacious … I was encouraged in my transition to philosophy by a certain disgust with mathematics, resulting from too much concentration and too much absorption in the sort of skill that is needed in examinations. The attempt to acquire examination technique had led me to think of mathematics as consisting of artful dodges and ingenious devices and as altogether too much like a cross-word puzzle.”
I studied history at university, and I remember even at the age of eighteen I complained that our essay writing and presentations seemed like games. We were being trained to put together particular facts, from particular books, written by authors who had taken particular facts from particular sources, and then use those facts to make arguments about things that happened centuries ago.
I couldn’t put it into clear words, but I always felt very dubious about this process. Something certainly happened in 1709, or whatever year we happened to be studying. But how did we know the truth of what happened? How could we make arguments when we didn’t have the complete picture? All we had were bits and pieces of evidence. (And don’t get me started on writing essays based on books written by authors who might have been very selective in their evidence.)
I wanted to get to the complete truth of what went on, so I went about in a rather clumsy haphazard fashion, speculating on how we could reconstruct what was in the heads of people alive at the time. My speculations weren’t very skilful and didn’t go down very well. Looking back, I don’t think trying to get into people’s heads was a particularly well thought out academic endeavour. I think I was doing it because I was interested in something outside academic history, but I had no idea what it was. Philosophy?
I felt very much like Russell, yet I was very inarticulate. I couldn’t really explain why academic history felt like a game to me. All I could do was huff and puff and say “I don’t like this.”
I still enjoy history. In fact I’ve been giving a series of history talks in my local church. I like to look back at what was, imagine how things were and how they feed into what we are today. On a spiritual level as a Christian I think I can learn a lot from church history.
But when I put the history talks together, I always feel a bit uneasy. Condensing hundreds of years into an hour doesn’t seem right. The story that I tell feels like a story, it’s not truth.
When I was younger I was far too obstinate about my inarticulate muddle headed search for truth. I didn’t even ask whether it was possible. Bob Smith’s experience of 1709 would not be the same as Bob Brown’s. So does one single historical truth even exist?
So I see now that it’s necessary to tell a story. When it comes to history, stories are all we have. The past is gone, and we can only seize at the scent of it in our narratives. My disgust with academic history was unreasonable because it was badly thought out. But it was also a reflection of an unrecognised desire to take a more philosophical approach to life.